and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
