Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
