best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
