I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
