I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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