are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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