i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
