They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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