every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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