You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
