Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
