So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
