I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
They took my balls.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
