You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
