he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Im part way to drunk.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
