how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
