I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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