i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
