I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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