I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
