My friends, they love my intelligence
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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