I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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