wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
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He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
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We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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