I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
