I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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