This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
