You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
