i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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