im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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