since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
