No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
