My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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