How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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