i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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