There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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