Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
