I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
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