I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
