everyone is single if you try hard enough
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
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