You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
