i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
