I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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