It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
So here I am, sexting at work.
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