You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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