mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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