i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
