and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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