cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
