The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
