whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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