i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Found the puke drawer
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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