Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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