Will you blow on my dice?
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
