worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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