Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
