Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
