just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
