Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
