Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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