i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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