I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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