Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
