i barfeds in our rink
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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