Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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