Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
