She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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