Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize