Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
