The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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