dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How does it feel to date your dad?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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