I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
