so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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