If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I wish I could teleport
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
